Sunday, December 16, 2012

Connecticut, Bethlehem and God's promise

So I haven't said much about what happen, I just really don't know what to say about it because it is so sad and I feel like I'm not smart enough when it comes to words (and terribly awkward when it comes to comforting words to grieving people).  Having a deeply intimate relationship with Christ and being a Christian for many years, it is very hard for me to say "I don't know why this happened. I don't know why God allowed it to happen."

It doesn't weaken my Faith in Him, I've been there done that, I KNOW he's real.  I like to research stuff and I like to read many outlooks and I actually come up with a lot of conclusions to questions I have about various things I believe in, but when it comes to tragedy: I come up short with the answers!

With that being said I visited a church called Renovatus today (my husband loves to hear the preacher Jonathan Martin on podcast so we thought we would visit one Sunday and hear him live).  Jonathan Martin didn't preach but a small older lady was the guest speaker and I loved what the Holy Spirit laid on her heart to say.  She was a well educated with a doctorate in Divinity (if I remember right) and was well rounded in many denominations including: Catholic, Baptist and some others I can't remember.

We took a moment and prayed for the families of the victims and the people affected with the recent shootings.  Then we read a passage in Matthew chapter 2 about the birth of Christ.  In this passage, there was a decree from King Herod to slaughter children 2 years and under.  This broken world is nothing new  She then was talking about ravens and scavenger birds and how they will fly around something that is about to die, but also will hang around when something is about to be born.  They are hoping that whatever is born will be stillborn or too weak to fight.  In the same way, Evil will lurk around something that is about to be birthed into a wonder or the beginning a new life or vision.

That is why when you are about to conquer something, whether a stronghold or a vision that God has given you, Spiritual warfare happens.  Satan doesn't want to see what gifts God has given or see you rise to the next level in Him.  I have fought this continually and I constantly have a fear of bad things happening to me.  I don't even have kids yet and I'm already fearing something could happen to them. But Fear is the root of all sin. And if the enemy can get you too scared of what people think about you or scared you won't do something right, or your not good enough then he has you just where he wants you!!  I write this to help encourage myself, I get so fearful that I'm not strong enough or I won't measure up to what God has made me for.

Also this passage gave me a little more Peace in knowing that even though Evil prefails in some situations like the Newton School shootings, God does have his hand on us and these families WILL prevail out of this darkness they have been forced into.  This is an awful tragedy but let us remember just like in the tragedy that struck the mothers and families in Bethlehem at the time of the birth of our Savior, something can be birth out of this tragedy for the good of mankind. Satan tried to kill Jesus from the start but don't let him kill you (in a spiritual sense) before you even get started. He has a plan specifically designed only for you.  Let us hold our families closer and treasure the time that God has graciously bestowed us for the good of the world!! God Bless and Merry Christmas!!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Why I gave blood today...

Today was the first time I gave blood!  Yes, that is sad that I'm 27 and just now doing it but I have tried in the past and have either been sick or on antibiotics or just didn't care enough.  (I use to get at least two upper respiratory infections a year due to allergies.)  So this Sunday. I seen in my church bulletin that they were having a blood drive on my day off, I thought I would join in on the needle fun and make an appointment.  

I wasn't nervous at all because I get blood work done every year so needles are nothing new. But I did want to make sure I met all the donor criteria before I got pumped.  Luckily I passed it all, so then it was to the chair where they start sucking the liquid life out of me. I'm not gonna lie the needle was big but it only pricked for a second and then they covered it up, which is a good thing because nobody wants to sit and stare at a big needle in their arm.  I chose left arm so I could play with my phone with my right hand.  It only took about 10 minutes, if that, to feel up my pint size bag.  I actually enjoyed watching my blood fill it up (I'm weird like that.).  I got to recline and even shut my eyes for a little bit and relaxed.

While I was sitting there, I started thinking about the reason I was doing this, besides the point that I sometimes become a bored housewife on my days off.  Lately, I've been challenging myself to be a more giving person and to make more out of my life then the day to day routine that I get stuck in a lot.  Make my time more useful while on this earth.  

So anyway back to my reasons,  I find that free desert and diet coke are great perks for giving blood, but the real reason I was there is because of some of the special people in my life.  For one, I have a close, dear friend of mine who almost died from infections after giving birth and needed a couple of blood transfusions just to get better.  

When she told me, she had blood infusions at the hospital.  I randomly thought about a scene in the movie "Bruce Almighty".  During the movie, Bruce makes a comment to his girlfriend, after she gave blood, that they end up just storing all the donor blood in a warehouse somewhere and nobody uses it.  Then later on in the movie he gets in a motor accident and after being in a hospital room for days, he wakes up hooked up to a donor bag and she repeats the same snide remark he made earlier.  But back to point, I started thinking about how awesome it was that somebody took time out of their day to give blood and because they did my friend could live. 

Then I have another dear friend, who is also a client, who needs dialysis almost everyday of her life.  She has a failing kidney and while she waits for an organ transplant she goes 8 hours a day and has her blood cleaned.  She is not old and doesn't look sick.  She has a teenage son and is a devout Christian.  She has made a huge impact on my life because despite her circumstances she still sees the positive in everything and still lives life to the fullest when she doesn't have to be at dialysis.  I think about her and her family and if it wasn't for giving blood she would not be alive today.  Because of people like that I want to challenge myself to do better and when I don't feel like working out, I think of her, because I know she would give anything to be in good enough health to work out, and I TRY to count working out as a blessing.  

As I was sitting there giving blood,  a little girl came around and had me write down why I was giving blood.  I was almost brought to tears about the fact that I felt like I get to help out people just like the people, I love in my life.  After thinking for a moment I wrote: I give blood because my close friend needed blood transfusions this year.  The whole experience became emotional to me. I am writing this blog not to brag on myself but to try to make other people think about others because we ALL battle selfishness everyday.  Next time you see a blood mobile think about situations or people in your life that needed blood and even if you are deafly afraid of needles, a little pinch is nothing compared to saving someone else's life, especially someone you love.

So again, Please Give your life giving Blood to someone in need and save lives!! 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Why I am madly Love with God but I hate religion. pt 1.

I am, and have been for a while, a lovesick completely intoxicated in Love with God.  I have my moments when life gets busy and I don't get to talk to Him or learn more about Him like I should, but those times in my life where I earnestly seek him and even the times I question him, I find myself falling deeper in Love.

I find the more things in my life that center around Him, the more I think and meditate on him.  He has unconditional love for us that I know so well that I want to tell the world about him! I wish the world could experience the Love that God has for them.  I feel the need to tell everyone about him, I have to hold back sometimes though, because I can probably scare people away from him with my direct passion.

Now to the point of why I am so in love with God but I am NOT (and I quote) a religious person! I am just myself and I embrace the goofy, shy, but loving person that God has made me.  Sometimes I still get in trouble but I am learning my boundaries!  I fit in nicely in Liberal places like Asheville because I am all about expressing the person God has made me and you to be!

And the more I learn of God the more I find that God just honestly Loves people and it makes me want to love people even more!  We are his children! he made us unique for a reason!  Even though we mess up, he still loves us unconditionally!

It saddens me when I see Christians lumped together as "religious people" from my other friends, (who probably mean well) but just have not found and SEARCHED for a loving God.  I have been through those times where I questioned God, its good to question God, but DO NOT  give up on your searching! DO NOT do what feels good but ask God "Hey God, if you are real, please lead me in the direction you want me to go."  And God will guide you.  That is why he sent the Holy Spirit.   Which Jesus said is even better than having Jesus walking around in the flesh with you.  The Holy Spirit will guide you if you have an OPEN HEART.

You have to come to Him with a CHILD-LIKE Faith.  What does that mean?  That doesn't mean dispelling knowledge and learning.  That means coming to God, humble, knowing we don't have all the answers and asking him to show us.  God loves for us to learn.  I hear people all the time say "I don't believe in God, I believe in Science."  I believe in Science too.  I believe in searching, God gave us a desire to learn and that's what he wants to do.  I don't know where people get the idea that they don't coincide, but they do.  And maybe I am just looking at different stuff than other people but in my physics classes and philosophy classes, I see God and I see him more each time.  But then again, I do tend to have a lovestruck puppy love for God so I see him in a lot of things like music, art, talents, landscapes, compassion, etc.  If its beautiful, I see God in it.

But anyways back to why what I believe in isn't a religion.  If you notice any other religion and even the bible in the Old Testament (before Jesus came and shook everything up).  It was about atonement.  Atoning for our sins, and rules that you had to go by to be Godly, and tons and tons of restrictions.  So yea, I get how you can easily mix the two up.  And even a lot of well meaning Christians today have a hard time of trying to please God through atonement of their sins.   I even believed like this for years!! I thought I had it all figured out as long as I didn't drink, cuss, or smoke and go with people that did, I would be golden!  I would earn my lil wings and get plenty of jewels in my crown!  When I did cuss in anger or do something naughty, I felt really shameful and guilty.

Finally, one day I was feed up! I could not love a God who I had to perform for all the time.  It was exhausting.  I realized I was not in Love with him.  Yes, I heard of Grace, but Grace to a crowd pleaser like myself just meant I had a chance to repent before I went to Hell for saying that one cuss word in anger.   Then I started my search, I even studied other religions, sciences, etc.  All the time I was praying God if your real, lead me in your will and direction and that was what I went off of.  I guess I really was walking by Faith at the time because I was starting all over and wanted to know the Truth.  Not a Truth, not what I deemed to be the Truth but THE Truth.

I was always lead back to the bible though,  even though I didn't want to be.  (I had a hard time dealing w/ a lot of Christians at the time b/c of the different directions I was taking and questioning. I think they thought I was going to Hell, lol.) BUT what I found on the other side of my searching made it all worth it!! I was in Love with God again but he was totally different than what I thought God was before.  He was a God I could relate to!! He was still relevant to me! Because, I searched on my own and didn't take face value of what I was taught and wanted to learn for my own I found Jesus, but for real this time!

It's weird how the bible looks totally different than it did before I really learned about Grace.  I use to think that the "religious" Christians were the Catholics with their rituals but I realized I was the religious person.  I was the one thinking that my good works and goody two-shoes was what was going to get me in.  I actually use to correct people when they would cuss and act holier than thou!  I cringe when I remember those days of thinking secular music and piercing and tattoos were of the devil, lol. But not anymore, lol, I love tattoos, I even see God in a lot of secular music believe it or not (Mumford & Sons is like worship music to me!)

Okay off my tangents about myself, I learned Jesus' enemy was religion as well.  It is one of the many faces of Satan.  In fact, he was always calling out the religious people and calling them EVIL! What? Yes! The religious people who went to church all the time and prayed out loud and shrouded themselves with righteous robes.  Jesus would then show compassion on the people that were on the outskirts of society, the lepers, the homeless and the hoochie mammas!  He came so that we didn't have to live under condemnation which is the law.  We are under Grace now!  When I realized I didn't have to be a crowd pleaser and just wanted to be myself for once and not what man wanted me to be I felt so FREE.  No longer held under bondage!  The rule of Grace is to Love God and Love People.  That is it.  Blueprints of the bible right there!!  So simple!!

I was soo excited when I learned I could be friends with sinners again! I even drink with them!! Yep I said it (another thing you should read on your own is origins of why people think drinking is wrong and why it is only in America aka still lasting effects of the prohibition acts).  But that's another tangent, to my religious friends.  Do I worry about being like the world?  No, because it is ingrained in me to Love my Father and I know too much about him to be influenced by other people.  I almost find it endearing when people try to call me out on my faith because I've been there.  Is my Faith perfect, no.  I will never be perfect till I enter into Heaven. I've been through that struggle and trying to eventually out run the Holy Spirit.  He won't give up on you like he didn't give up on men though.  And he will endlessly search for your heart till you give in. But He loves you so much that he gave you freedom to choose.  Sooo take my advice and choose Him!  Its a relief!  And I wouldn't live my life any other way!!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Marriage....No political stances here!

Instead of doing day 10: Describe your most embarrassing moment, I can't even remember a really embarrassing one that stands out totally.  I've had too many to mention.  So today in light of the controversy in all this marriage talk, I decided to do one on what marriage means to me.

I am not here to voice what I think is right or wrong, justice or injustice, or try to make people inferior because they think differently than I do.  I just want to say how important marriage is in my life.

In case you are wondering, I did not vote today.  I am really torn about what to vote for.  I can really see both issues, Jesus did say Marriage is between a man and woman but I also believe in separation of church and state.  Although  I take my marriage vows very very seriously I don't believe, I have the right to tell anyone who they can marry, thank goodness people didn't do that to me!  And quite frankly, I'm tired of all the judging going on, on both sides, and didn't want to be judged myself.  People thinking you are not Christian enough or don't believe the bible enough if you vote one way, and people thinking people are prejudiced bigots or close minded for having strong biblical views influence their politics.  Enough of all that talk but yea if you see my mom don't tell her I didn't vote, I think she will be crushed to learn that I didn't share her same very conservative views on this issue.

But what I really think is people are having such a hard time defining what marriage is lately that when something comes up like this we jump all over it to show that we are right and our marriage is of God and etc. but what has marriage come to when it comes to the Christian belief?  Have we made it about, God or about ourselves?  Do we get married because that is what you do in life after a certain age or because of the random circumstances that our lives have come to, that thats just the next step in to do in a serious relationship.  And another thing, why do men drag their feet? I think us women make it way too easy on men these days.  We giving all the milk away without selling the cow (yes I said it).  And then we are stuck wondering if they are even thinking about it.  There use to be a time when men would fall head over heels for women and would do anything to put a ring on their finger fast before other men got to them.  But I'm gonna have to save all that for another blog on dating the Christian way.

I am quite an old fashion girl when it comes to love and marriage.  I believe in the whirlwind of romance but I also believe in approaching marriage very, very cautiously.  I dated Randall for nine years before we got married, and I was still very nervous and scared to do it.  I felt that when I stood up before God and people and gave a vow for better or worse, sickness and health, till death do us part, it was a promise made, and I did not want to go back on my word.  Meaning what you say is very important to me because if people can't take you at your word, what else do they have to go by.

Now I know people change and it takes two to work on a marriage, so I am not downing anyone who has been divorced.  I just want people to not get lazy and get out of it when the going gets tough.  I just read a book, "The Vow" and in this book a couple gets in a car wreck and the lady has a serious brain injury and has to slowly learn everything she was taught again.(It is nothing like the movie) She is a lot different than before and doesn't know who her husband is.  She did not love him or treat him fairly and would revert to a bratty teenager at times saying things like "I hate you, leave me alone."  But he stuck by her and they put their marriage in God's hands.  At one point, he even said he was going to get her back to where she can live on her own but then he was going to let her decide if she still wanted to be with him.     The divorce rate for brain injuries is 80-90% and even good meaning people were asking him why he didn't just get divorced.

The girl had not forgotten her faith in Jesus so she knew she wanted the marriage to work because she believed in marriage and they put God in the center of it and they pulled through together.  They eventually had a second wedding so she could remember one and later on had two kids.  But through this trial they touched people world wide by just staying married in such a hard time when the greater option was divorce.  I was really touched by this story and it strengthened my own faith in marriage as well.

But I guess the point in all this is to just take marriage seriously people.  I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't marry.  I will tell you that it won't work and you won't be happy unless you put God first and read the bible on how to love your spouse, like Christ and the church.  If you are not willing to grow in God and have your marriage based on it then I would advise against it.  But done correctly it can be one of the most cherishing, beautiful things that can bring glory to God.

Monday, May 7, 2012

List 10 people that have influenced you. (pt. 2)

Part 2: List 10 people that have influenced you.

I have so much to say about the people that influenced me that I had to break it down into 2 part blogs.  I don't get to see these people everyday and some of them have come and gone in my life but they have left a big footprint in the person I am today. Soo let's continue....

Me and Kim at a hairshow.
6.) Kim Carriagan.  As the big sis of one of my best friends, I always looked up to Kim.  She was so funny, pretty and just plain fun to be around.  Also, she did my hair pretty much my whole young adult life so I got to know her really well.  I always looked forward to it when it was appointment day to get my hair done, but it wasn't just because I left feeling confident and pretty it was because I got to spend sometime with an uplifting, sweet, genuine, southern Christian girl!  
Not only is she an amazing hairstylist but she is an awesome Christian, as well.  I've seen her go through a lot of her stages in life and seen how she trusted the Lord and gave difficult situations to him.  And I've seen the Lord bless her for her faithfulness and hardships.  When I look at Kim, I think I want to have that faith and confidence that she has. 
Also, when I was away at college and some doors were closing in the film studies major and I started feeling like God was pulling me into another direction in life.  I confided to Kim one day, while in her chair that I was thinking about quitting school and doing hair, she said "now that is the only thing, I can really see you doing."  Quitting school was very difficult for me because I think education is very important but because of financial reasons I had to quit. But to hear her, a great hairstylist, say that I could be really good at it, gave me the confidence I needed to go ahead and pursue my cosmetology career.  And I am soo glad I did!  Not only did she influence me in pursuing my career but she also told me about William Henry Salon (where I work now) and told me, I should try and get a job there.  If it wasn't for her, I would have never found my job that I love so much!  
Being a hair stylist now, I look back and remember how Kim was as MY hairstylist and try to mimic a lot of professionalism and techniques so I can do better at my own job.  So a lot of what I do as a stylist has been influenced by her and that is why she is on this list!!

7.) Somer and Preston Wilson.  Everything I say on these blogs are from the heart so I am not trying to brown nose here, and if you know me, you know I do not brown nose, but I have to give a lot of credit to my bosses as big influences in my life.  They own and operate the salon I work in and they are a part of why I love my job so much!  I could not ask for better bosses!  I could not do what they do, thats for sure!  For one they don't exactly act like my boss which is awesome because I work better when I'm not under pressure. But if I do have a concern or need I feel like they are interested in what is best for all of us that work for them.  They are always keeping the salon up to date and keeping it trendy, just last week they did some remodeling in the reception area and I am really grateful for that.
I get to work with Somer and she is a very talented stylist.  I watch her sometimes and she is a very meticulous and precise stylist. I  have definitely learned a lot about hair just from watching her. Also, I have never heard her say one bad thing about anybody.  I can't say the same for myself but I look at that as a person I would like to be.
Not only are they hard workers but they are great Christian examples.  Someone once told me that Preston had came in and prayed over every chair in the salon before and I thought that was the sweetest thing I ever heard.  They have a love for the Lord that they incorporate that in all of their business endeavors.  If I ever owned my own business, which I probably wont, but if I did I would model it on their business and professionalism.  You can see more of their inspiring story on this link:

Jenna and Julianna on my wedding day.
Carol and her husband Jon.
8. Jenna, Carol and Julianna.   (I'm cheating on the 10 ppl rule again!) These are some of my college buddies I met at UNCW.  My college diploma may have gone in vain but my years spent there did not.  I got to make wonderful friends while there.  I mentioned briefly from a previous blog that my college friends helped me through my hardest time but I have to give them some more credit.
When I first met Jenna, I really did not know what to think of her.  This petite girl with blonde hair and a high pitched voice, who told me the first night she met me that she didn't like my outfit when I asked her opinion (I ignored it and wore it anyways).  I didn't know if we would be friends.  But then once I got to know her more I realized what a sweet, honest, and devoted friend she could be. We all need friends that will tell you their opinion whether you want it or not. I think Jenna and I met each other at just the right times in our lives because I was still trying to define my relationship with God and Jenna was trying to get hers more on track with Him, so we got to grow up together in our Faiths.  It was awesome to see her grow into such an awesome Christian woman. I'm glad I met Jenna though because she was the one that introduced me to all my other college friends and she is from Lincolnton, where she lives now, so I get to see her all the time! And I think she is probably grateful she met me because I introduced her to her husband, Josh!
I met Carol soon after I met Jenna.  Carol was the "momma" of the group and I definitely needed one while I was at college.  She would throw all the parties for us and would cook and make all the yummy drinks for us.  She was the life of the party and she was as goofy as I was.  She would do all the things with me that others would be too embarrassed to do.  We even tried to be in the college talent show by making up our own dance routine to Spice Girls. Needless to say we didn't make it. :(  We also would have deep discussions about our Faith and it was refreshing for me to see someone from such a different denomination than me (she grew up Catholic) love the Lord the way I did.
Julianna is my girly, giggly friend.  She is always smiling and always looking to have fun.  Probably one of the sweetest and most organized people I have ever met. She let me live with her even though it was for just a short time, in her apt. She gets her sweetness from her family because she has a ton of adopted brothers and sisters from like different countries.  Her parents are saints.  I got the privilege of meeting them at Juls wedding. When I look at how I want my family to be like I look at theirs.  They pray together and put God first in everything.  They have had storms but they work through it together.  I don't get to see Juls a lot but I know her house is always open if I ever wanna come visit, and hopefully I will get to see her this summer!

9.) Donald Miller.  I know a lot of my facebook friends have seen me post quite a few links for the movie "Blue Like Jazz" in promoting it because it is such a good movie that hits very close to home for me.  I read the book "Blue Like Jazz" when I was in college.  I seen it on a shelve that Carol had and asked her if I could borrow it.  I don't even know why I picked the book up, but I started reading it and it changed my life! With a subtitle of "Non-religious thoughts on Christian Spirituality"on the book, the author Donald Miller, tells his own life story (with beautiful imagery and word flow) about his own growing understanding of the nature of God and Jesus and in a very personable way.  At the time I was reading that book, my own relationship with Jesus was converging from a religious standpoint to a more intimate one where rules didn't matter, I just wanted to know more about God and a personal relationship with him.
My education was causing me to outgrow my Faith in God at the time. If he was the God from what I was taught when growing up that he was keeping a list of wrongs and I had to do this, this and this to measure up then I didn't want it.  Thinking pretty much everyone was going to hell or at least in danger of it is very pessimistic and oppressing not to mention very draining thinking.  And I was tired of it.

There had to be more to it then following the rules.  When I read BLJ, it was like someone was going through the same questions and search and was finding answers to their questions in Grace and the Word.  It was a revelation to me! I had heard of Grace before but I never truly understood it till I started searching for it.  Christian's put God's power in a box but his Grace can not be contained.  I use to think it wasn't powerful enough to cover all my sins and then some.  I thought I could never get to the next level in God if I kept sinning, but learning about how Grace works and how God understands my struggle was eye opening! Even though I wasn't where I was suppose to be, God loved me just like I was and still wanted to use me, and that thought alone makes me want to do better.  I learned that if you are a Christian, no sin, no power in hell can keep you from God's Love and his promises.  I use to think that if I sinned I had better repent then because if the Lord comes back or if I die, without repentance I would go to hell.  Now, I don't have to live in that fear anymore. Now I am secure in knowing that just because I love my God and accept Jesus as my Savior I am saved forever.  I do believe in once saved, always saved because if you really do love God and search for Him and get a taste of His Love, you will never leave him.  There is nothing out there better than that feeling. So Donald Miller helped me get to my next level in my relationship with God and for that influence, I am forever grateful.  Go see the movie or read the book, you will not be disappointed unless you are religious, then you better not because you will probably be offended.

10.)Which leads me to my last one, Jesus.  Here I go again but I can't help it, I have to share it.  It is in my core, my soul and that is the most influence anyone could ever have on me.  It is literally like the scripture Jeremiah 20:9 "But if I say 'I will not mention his word or speak anymore his name,' his word is in my heart like a fire, shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot. "  That is how I feel when it comes to Jesus.
I just finished the book "The Vow" in it a couple tell their story of misfortune when they get into a wreck soon after they are married and the wife suffers from a severe head injury and doesn't remember her husband.  She has to spend half a year rediscovering who she is and relearn how to do everyday task like walking (even though she was a prized gymnist.)  In the story a couple of weeks after the accident she feels that something is missing in her life and gets a prayer journal.  It was just so neat because she was so in love with Jesus before the accident that she had forgotten nothing of her strong Faith in Him, it was in her innermost being and soul that even a severe head injury could not make her forget.
That is how I hope I am.  I will admit that I don't read my bible everyday but I am in a continuance prayer with my Father.  I don't get on my knees but I will talk and pray while I do other stuff.
Jesus is just the coolest person I have ever heard about if that sounds cheesy, oh well, I guess I'm cheesy, but I love how he changed the world in just 3 years of his ministry.  He is the only one of the 3 major religions that says "I am God."  Buddha just searched for god,  Muhammad just claimed to be a prophet.  That is why Christ is the most controversial because he claimed he was God.  There are over 400 prophecies that he fulfilled in the Old Testament, thousands of years before he came (look them up yourself). When I think of God, I want him to be personable.  I want him to understand my heart and what I'm going through.  I am so thankful that God himself, came down to my level with the same temptations and struggles that I have.  He not only walked where I walk but he has been there and worse.  If you want to believe there are other religions just the same, you do that, but I chose to follow Truth and Love.   Because Jesus died for my sins, I have hope everyday that I can make it.  I have a personal relationship to the God of the Universe and he listens to me, because Jesus made a way with his perfect blood that was shed for me.  The people from the old testament had to follow rules and rituals to communicate to God and so do other religions, but with Jesus, it is way past that!  That kind of thinking is soo 2000 years ago! Because of the sacrifice there is not one person holier than the rest.  God is no respecter of persons, there are people with more Faith, but we all have that potential and I am learning more Faith with each day.  So yea, I think Jesus has had the most influence in my life!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Day 9. List 10 People that have influenced you. (pt1)

Day 9.  10 People that have influenced me. (pt 1.)

I have had the blessing of being around a number of wonderful, exceptional people in my life.  There are way more than 10 people that have influenced my life.  But this is going to be probably long anyways so I will start with the first 10 that come to mind. :)

my mom and step dad.
1. MOM.  My mom is definitely one of the most influential people in my life.  Though, we don't see eye to eye on everything, I love her.  She has done an excellent job in raising me.  She did not make my life easy though, lol, which is a good thing (most of the time).  She wasn't a perfect mom but she didn't raise me to be a sissy, neither.  I remember when I would start crying in public or probably from getting spanked, she would say "Dry it up!", and I would too!
Most importantly, she did teach me to be a good young Christian lady although she probably would not have allowed me to be any other way.  I could not go out of the house with short shorts or any cleavage showing and till this day I still have to dress modest or I feel really weird.  She was hard on me but when I did mess up, she was quick to forgive but her disapproval was the real discipline.
She mad sure I grew up slow but actually gave me a lot of earned freedom when I was a teenager.  Because she made me go to church 3 times a week, I had a really close bond with my youth group where I made good friends that helped me get through my high school years without falling into to too much peer pressure.

Randall and I on prom day.
2.Randall.  Had to throw this guy in there again.  But really sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would be if I never met and started dating him at 14.  I don't think I would have turned out half as decent! We basically helped raise each other!  14 is a very impressionable age and meeting a cute, popular, very dedicated Christian guy pretty much keeps you on the strait and narrow when your trying to date them.  He has really been the strong rock in my life at the very hardest times.  When I would question if our relationship was meant to be or God's will, he would just let me hash it out while he waited patiently for me to decide.  He never faltered when it came to peer pressure in high school and never tried to be someone else but himself.  If he didn't believe in something, he wasn't going to do it, period.  I wonder what this world would be like if there were more men like Randall in it, who stood up for what they believed even if it wasn't what the majority believed.  Someone who has never broken a heart and would always put you in front of them, no matter what.  An ideal husband.  I know it sounds like I am bragging on my husband but I would say this stuff even if I wasn't married to him!  I'm just glad I tricked him into being with me for 12 years and hopefully I can trick him for many more. :p

me and my big (but short) sis.
3.Beth.  I really don't know where to begin with this crazy girl, but my big sis has really had a big influence in my life.  Now when it comes to our personalities (and looks) we are like night and day!  But when I think about how I was as a little child, I can not imagine how I could get through early life without big sis.  I followed her around everywhere, she was like my lil momma.  I would do anything she told me, one time she even tricked me into eating shampoo because it looked like honey!  But she took care of me and was very protective of me.  I was extremely bashful and didn't usually stick up for myself, but I would go tell big sis and she would do ALL the trash talking for me.  One time she actually took a tin lunch box and whacked a girl with in the head with it that was picking on me.  I look back at myself as a little kid and think "this big ole world would just have swollowed me up and spit me out if I came into it without my big sis."  Her opposite type A personality has really helped my type B personality from being type loser because I look up to her a lot. She is a hard worker and very motivated and I look at those qualities in her and want to match them.  Her competitiveness and "motivational words"  (like today while I was doing her hair, "You should really work on your shoulders. lol) I take with a grain of salt and to heart while also wanting to punch her in the face at times, really help. Our goals in life are a lot different but because of her, I have more goals, so that is why she is a very influential person in my life.

Steve got to marry us!! 
4. Steve Morrison.  Steve and his wife Shelly have had a big influence in my life.  They were my very first youth pastors.  In a time of my life when I was scared and new at a church, they took me in and made sure I felt welcomed.  They became almost like another set of parents for me but in a good way.  I felt that they loved me and cared for me as if I was their own child.  I will never forget when our youth group went bowling one Saturday and some guys were asking or talking about me or something and Steve told them to leave me alone, I wasn't interested in a very fatherly way. Now to most teenage girls that would have been very embarrassing but I had never had a father figure in my life and it made me feel so special and loved.  I thought it was so sweet!  Also if there were ever a pastor that I respected and believed to hear from God, its Steve.  Being a teenager is hard and I would often find myself praying fervently in the altar over situations in my life and he would always come pray for me, but when he prayed for you, he would take you in a bear hug like a father would and just hold you and let you cry it out while he prayed for you.  I tear up now just thinking about how I needed those hugs desperately some weeks.  Also, when you are growing up and learning in your Christian faith, you usually have a lot of questions to ask God.  I remember I had one big question to ask God and I will never forget when Steve had called me to the altar and he told me I was asking that question and he told me what God had answered to that question.  I had never told anyone my question either!  The Lord had showed me how real he was through Steve that day and I will never forget that.

our youth group friends on our wedding day.
5. My Youth Group Friends.  I know this is cheating a little bit but I had to include all these people. Now that we are all married and some having kids these days, I don't get to see them like I use to but I just would like them to know that they have had a huge influence in my life.  If it wasn't for these people, I don't know where I would be.  I am still friends with a lot of them even though we all go to different churches now.  I have to give a special shout out to my two longest bestest friends: Laura Taylor and Wendy Aderholdt.  We have been through thick and thin together.  These 2 girls probably know me more than anyone else except Randall.  Because we share a lot of past experiences together we can relate to each other more than anyone else.  With Laura I can ask her opinion on anything and I feel comfortable that I can give her my opinion also, without her getting mad.  We have a lot of the same interest in mind like church, saving money, doing house work, etc.  Also Laura and Nathan are some of the best of friends you can have.  If you need someone to come help you out with yard work because you don't have a clue what you you are doing, they will come help you!  Not too many friends are so readily available when you need them but you can always depend on the Taylors and that is why I appreciate them so much.
Wendy and I have a lot of similarities also.  We have a keen eye on fashion (if I do say so myself!)  and house decor.  We have an appreciation for the same style.  thrifty.  And we have a lot of the same views on a good number of things.  Wendy is the kind of person that will open her house to anyone and try to be best friends with everyone, but not in a 'i have to be popular way.'  She just literally takes time and is friends with people.  I have a good time with her husband Daniel too, who also happens to have grown up in our youth group too.  If there is something that your thinking about someone but you would never say, Daniel will say it for you, and it is hilarious!! He is one of a kind and tries to be all hard rock with his tattoos and unkempt hair but he is really just a teddy bear!  I have always looked at him as the brother you would get excited to see and who would always make you laugh.  Although we go separate paths in life, these people will always be close to my heart because they are the only friends I got to know long enough to grow up with, and have really had an impact on my Christian journey.

Next 5 influences coming on their way next blog...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Day 8. 5 Passions You Have.

Day 8.) 5 Passions I have.

There are quite a few things in life I feel pretty passionate about.  It is very hard to just narrow it down to 5 things.  I have a lot of daily interest and passions that probably change here and there. I like being healthy, right now, I am getting into running again.  I usually quit when it starts getting too cold outside and I can't keep a dry nose.  I like decorating and finding bargains and especially cooking.  But I guess, my main passions when it gets down to it are what I base my life on.  So here are a few of the important ones.

1.) JESUS.  Of course I had to throw that one in there, but it IS a passion of mine and its not going away anytime soon.  I love him, and I love him more than my husband.  Basically if it wasn't for God, I would not have my relationship with my husband.  I have been a dedicated Christian for 12 years now and it has been a journey.  There were times I questioned and walked all over him but he has always looked at me with such Grace and favor and Patience, I always come back to him.  I am amazed at the accuracy of the bible and everytime I have a question or a doubt, I find it in there.  I have had the priviledge of studying the bible for 12 years and I still have a ways to go, but I have learned so much that I could never go back on my Faith with Jesus again.  It has just made my life so much better.

Some people look at the bible and think it is just a book of rules and regulations and if you don't do this or that you will go to hell, etc.  But its so much more than that.  It's about an intimate relationship with God through his son Jesus Christ, who gave up his life for You.  Even if you were the only person from then on that had accepted it, He would do it.  If you can come up with a better symbolism for Love then by all means show me, but to give your life for someone that is undeserving is what I define as Love.  After the Cross, the rules are unnecessary! Following rules does not take you to another spiritual level or bring you any closer to God.  God loves you just the way you are.  BUT he does love us so much that he doesn't just leave us that way.  The rules are more like a guideline, God wants you to have the most abundant life, he can give you, if you trust your life with him, he will make it better.  Don't trust your human emotions or your desires, they will ALWAYS fail you.  But if you stick to the word, it will  NEVER FAIL YOU.   I got off on a tangent because thats what you do when you talk about your Passions! :)

2.) PURITY.  This goes in hand with self esteem issues and self worth, I see women go through a lot on a daily basis because of a lack of.  Randall and I dated for 9 years before we got married and we waited until we were married to do the deed.  Crazy, right?! Wrong! If you think its crazy then you have fallen to what society deems acceptable and not what God intended.
Now I am not beating anyone up who struggles with this because I may have not been guilty of this sin but I been guilty of probably the rest of them, so who's counting right?

Anyways, we decided early on in our relationship that we were going to put Christ first and that meant relying solely on him.  Not what my girlish, giddy teenage feelings were telling me but what the bible says about it.  And if I had to do it over again, I would do it the exact same way.  I looked at our relationship as more of a courting.  I liked Randall and I thought he was a great guy but I had other things in life to do and I gave God my relationship and always said "If its meant to be, it will be."  I did not worry if he liked me or if I was pretty enough or smart enough to keep him.  I did not worry about ANY of those things.  That is a load off of a girl when you don't have to worry about impressing someone you like a lot.
I see a lot of girls or women now, trying to keep men, trying to chase them down.  Catering to their every need.  I don't believe in that, at all!  I learned early on in my Faith that I am of importance! I mean God, himself sent his only son to die for me, so yea, I'm Important. lol.  And I wasn't about to chase NO man! They should be chasing me! The bible says a Godly women is more precious than rubies.  And if you are with someone that does not appreciate you for everything you are, then they are not the one.  If they are still on the fence about marrying you, then they are not the one!! God made a woman's heart to be won, not gave out to whoever seems right at the moment.  And God made men's hearts to compete for women.  Why else would we swoon over simple gestures like someone buying us flowers or doing something thoughtful like leaving a love note.

Women, you ARE of very much importance so stop chasing after men and giving your heart and body away to whoever and WAIT for the man that God has sent for you.  Its hard but it is sooo worth it!

3.) LOVE. sigh, I could really go on for hours on this one.  I just think it should be mirrored as God loves us.  Love God, love people.  Cliffnotes of the bible right there!  God loves us with a Selfless love and thats how we should love people.  We should look at people like we don't see any of their flaws, but someone made in the image of God who loves us unconditionally.  Not just your friends, not just your church friends.  Yes, we are called to be separate but not isolated.  If you are a Christian and your only friends are Christians than you are not loving like Christ loves us.  Jesus hung out with the outer margins of society.  Hmm, what would that be today? hm, who does society pick on a lot? Maybe, homosexuals?! yes I said it.  Jesus would probably be hanging out with homosexuals and strippers and maybe some drug users.  AND some church people/modern day pharisees would probably be talking about him like the pharisees did back in the day.  Jesus pissed the churchy people off some much that they crucified him.  I mean, if you think about it, wouldn't you be pissed to if you were a very religious person who prayed aloud everyday went to church everyday and memorized scripture and followed every rule only to see someone claim to be God's son but they were hanging out with people you thought were beneath you and they recieved the same salvation as you do.  I've been there, I was that religious person who thought I was better than people (although I fooled myself into not believing that.)  I thought, since I was following the rules and being a good little girl I was making it into heaven and others who didn't measure up to where I was, probably weren't.  The church has turned a lot of people away based on this assumption and it is a sad thing.  We NEED more Love not just for people like us but love for everyone.   If you are still confused on what love is read 1 Cor 13:1-13.

4.)FAMILY.  I think all these passions somehow connect somewhere.  Family is important.  I won't harp on this one because I am probably preaching to myself on this one.  I don't get to see my family as often as I like, but family is very important to me.  I just got to see my only aunt this weekend and I haven't seen her since probably before I got married which is 3 years ago.  That is sad on my part, I should be more involved in my families life and make it a point to hang out with them more.   But yes, having a close family is another priority and passion of mine.

5.) HEALTH.   Overall being healthy is another passion of mine.  Now I am NOT the model figure when it comes to being healthy but I do try.  I love the way being healthy feels.  I hate the feeling while I'm working out for the 30 min to an 1hr workout but I feel so much better the rest of the day.  I hate the way I feel when I eat bad foods so for the most part I stick to healthy stuff because it gives me energy and makes me feel better.  I hate to see someone abusing their body with anything, food, cigs, drugs, alcohol.  We only live once and living a healthy life is not only good for your body image but it can be a selfless thing also.  Especially if your married.  I started working out after I got married because I did not want to be one of those people that got fat after they got married.  Now I know there will be times in my life where I won't be able to workout like when I have babies and other very busy parts of life but that is no excuse to letting yourself go.

Life is a gift and we are only given one so don't abuse it.  I don't have any grandparents alive today.  I lost my grandpas early in life and my grandmaws a little later.  My mom's mother was a diabetic and did not take care of herself.  She died when she was only 53! Thats young! Looking back now she was walking around like an 80 year old.  She is in Heaven but she missed out on a lot in life and that is sad for her and us.  My other maw-maw was an energetic healthy eating little machine but she was a chain smoker she lived longer but I had to watch her go through excruciating pain of getting her lungs drained out every week for the last couple of months when she was alive.  She was drowning in her own fluid in her lungs from smoking!! Its 2012 people and smoking kills and damages your body a lot.  We have enough knowledge today to know what to eat and what to do to not poison our bodies.  Live healthy people its the best way to live!!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Day 7. What is your dream job?

Day 7.
What is Your Dream Job?

Don't want to sound like my life is perfect or anything but my job is pretty close to a dream job for me.  I enjoy my work place and my coworkers and even my work schedule which is pretty flexible.  I don't usually work 40 hours a week so that is probably why I still love it.  People often ask me when they are in my chair if I will ever open my own salon, and my response is always the same "If I won the Lottery."

But I forget to play the Lottery half of the time so that probably won't be happening anytime soon.  I am happy not having too much responsibility and knowing that when we do decide to have kids, I will be able to cut back my hours and be there for them.  Really the most important job someone can have is being a mother, so that will be my first priority when that time comes.

I would probably like to do something for the community.  I always say it would be so neat if I could go get a PHD in Phycology and be a therapist/hairstylist.  I could give people licensed therapy sessions while doing their hair.  Also, it would be awesome if I just had money lying around and then I would do people's hair for free.  I love it so much I would do it for free! Insane, I know, but that is how much I enjoy making people feel good about themselves.

So there you go plain and simple, I guess I'm not a high achiever or very motivated to do something spectacular as a dream job, I just like making people happy and getting time to spend with my family and friends.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 6. The Hardest Thing I've ever had to Experience.

The Hardest Thing I've ever had to Experience

I had to think long and hard about this one.  I have actually had some pretty ruff experiences in my life.  But one that was really tough for me was when my grandmother passed away.

This experience was very hard for me because I was very close to my maw-maw.  She lived in Gastonia so I would see her at least once a week.  She was a very good maw-maw.  She was also my only grand parent alive for most of my life (the rest died by the time I turned 12.).  My mother was very young when she had me, so maw-maw would help us out and sometimes give us a place to live when we were in between houses.

My maw-maw was the center of the family on my dad's side.  We would always go over there on Christmas eve with a lot of family and she would cook the best meals.  Her house was big enough that other family members could come in town and have rooms to stay in.  Also when I was a teenager and would get in fights with my mom, she would let me stay with her for like a week till things would cool down at home.

She was not a perfect person but she loved us and was a big part of my life.  She was a tiny little thing but had a very strong character and you never wanted to get on her bad side, or be around when she was in one of her little "moods."

I was around 19 when she said she had lung cancer.  She smoked for most of her life and had lung issues for a while so it was actually not a shock when she did have it.  I almost thought she was making it up for a little while though because she lasted so long with not very much symptoms at all.  She was just so strong I thought she was invincible.

It wasn't until January 2007 when I was 21 that we knew it was getting worse when they called hospice in.  At the same time I was at a very busy point in my life.  I was working as a bank teller full time while in school at night full time and living on my own with friends.  I would still visit her but not as much as I used to. I regret that some, today but for some reason I thought she would out last what the doctors were telling us, I think I was probably just in denial and was trying not to think about it.

The passing away of my grandmother is part of the hard experience but it was the other stuff on top of that that really made my life hard at that time.  I was struggling with my own Faith and in between churches and deciding which route to go.  I was quit angry and hurt from my mother because she wanted to me to pay her rent while I was paying for my college out of my pocket so I really didn't want to give her money too, so I left.  I felt people were literally pulling me from all different directions too, "Oh, you shouldn't go to that church", or "You are just rebelling", or my personal favorite "Your are in a cult." (because I visited a smaller non-denominational church.)

I was pretty much feed up with EVERYTHING.  I just wanted to leave everything behind and move as far as I could away from it all.  And that's exactly what I did, I worked hard and got accepted to UNCWilmington and enrolled the summer of 07 (I couldn't wait for the fall semester to start.)

When I arrived at UNCW, I felt so liberated.  I moved there not really knowing a soul and it felt awesome!  I could stay out as long as I wanted or go to whatever church I want or not even go at all! For a while I don't think I even went and I even got a job at Hooters as a hostess (but only for 3 weeks).  Now most people would look at that and think I was rebelling or "backsliding" but it really wasn't none of that at all.  I was finding myself and pushing my boundaries.  The more I did push my boundaries the more I thought about God and actually the more I prayed.  I really felt God and he was there for me the whole time just patiently waiting for me.

Its really weird how God puts people in your life you wouldn't expect.  I had met a friend there and ended up actually hanging out with her roommate. The roommate started introducing me to more friends and before I knew it, I had wonderful friends who just so happened to be good Christian girls.  I wasn't even trying to find friends like that it just happened!   The Lord knew exactly what I needed at the right time because shortly afterward my maw-maw died and I was 250 miles away without my boyfriend and family to help me grieve.

My new college friends helped me in a very hard time in my life. Grieving is not a fun thing to do alone. I remember feeling so lonely so I would get up and go all puffy eyed and just go sit with my friends and just  hanging out with them really helped me get my mind off my maw-maw.  At this time I probably lost 20 lbs. because of all the grieving, stress, and the being apart from loved ones, but I made it through!  I found my Love with God to be that much stronger and even started going and helping a church in Wilmington.  It was a hard experience but I needed it to be the person I am today and for that I wouldn't change one thing about it!
Also excuse grammar, I am really tired!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

day 5. 5 things that make me happy!

5 Things that make me Happy!

This will be my happiest blog yet!! I am a happy person so this will be an easy one for me!  I have a lot of stuff that makes me happy from the simple things like listening to country music in the summer, to having a coffee break and enjoying my mornings (I love morning time!).  Sitting and enjoying me time and this blogging right now is pretty therapeutic for me.  So the following list are just a few of the things that make me smile and feel all warm inside! :)

1. My husband! Surprised right! But I have to put this guy at the top of my list.  I love him, and I really feel we have a marriage, the way marriage is suppose to be.  My husband loves me like he is called to love me. Like Christ loves the church.  One of Randall's sole missions in life is to make sure I'm happy.  If I'm feeling down and I call him, he will reassure me until I feel better again. He also worries so much about me that he doesn't eat good, when I'm having a bad day.  He helps out around the house and even is cooking meals a couple times a week so I can go to work out classes.  We connect on so many levels, we enjoy the little things in life like sitting on a porch and talking.   He is the kind of person I strive to be and he has made me a better person just being with him these past years.

2. My job.  I love my job! I have had a TON of different jobs and I never knew I could love a job like I love this one.  Part of the reason my job is so awesome are my coworkers.  There are 18 stylist at my salon (we are a Big salon!) and we all get along great!! I love these girls! They are so beautiful and we are all different in our personalities but we love and accept each other unconditionally. I can totally be my dork self around these ladies, and they love it!   I look up to my coworkers and respect them and learn a lot from them. Each one of these ppl are put in my life for a reason!  I guess you could say we are one BIG sorority. :)  That is one of the reasons I am moving closer so I can hang out with these girls more!

3.  My Clients.  Part of my job is getting to talk to different people and carry on a conversation with people you wouldn't usually have time to talk to outside of work.  I learn so much from people.  It's amazing how unique God makes each one of us in our own little ways.  The more people I meet the more I learn about God.  I love getting in conversations with people about where they come from and their backgrounds.  I try to learn from people.  I have a lot of clients who have touched my heart and when I leave work, I swear I have a permanent smile on my face because they have just put me in such a good mood!

4. My Church.  I go to Bethlehem Church in Gastonia and I have been going there for 2 years now.  I actually look forward to going to church (never thought I would say that when I was younger)!  I love going to a big church because I feel it is more focused on going and listening than going and socializing. My preacher is one of the most humble men I have ever met.  He is himself, and I love that.  He wears his normal kackis and sweaters and he tells people not to give him a title like pastor or preacher because if you wanna give him a title you can call him servant.  He is down to earth and tells a lot of actually really funny jokes while he is preaching.  He uses the whole Word but doesn't condemn you every Sunday about sin.  I pretty much know what sin is so I love that he gets down to the word and preaches about how you can benefit and learn from God.  I also love that my church is a church that goes outside the four walls.  We are all about helping the community and that is what I think it is ALL about.  From giving people free dental care, to Hope for Gaston,  feeding the homeless and adopting poverty stricken blocks so you can reach needs and build a relationship with people different from you.  That is what life is all about!
Some church friends at a very fun wedding at the beach!!

5.  Facebook and Twitter!  Sounds cheesy but I am so glad I have a network that I can talk to people from high school and other people from my past and I get to see how their lives are.  Sometimes on my days off this is the only social interaction I have time for (I know, sad right).  I get to see my cousins and other family members and actually find long lost cousins on there.   I love to watch people put funny things and also informational things on their newsfeed.  I really learn a lot from my facebook and twitter friends.  I don't get why some people act like they are too cool for facebook, I have no shame in having an account and creeping on everyone. ;) Maybe its because I'm pretty nosy but I love Facebook and Twitter!!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

30 BLoGs in 30 DaYs Day 4. 10 things you would say to your 16 year old self

10 things you would say to your 16 year old self.

I don't think I would change anything that my life has become, my experiences in life make me who I am but just for the fun of it, here goes.

1. Quit being so lazy!! Get off your butt and clean your room and bathroom without your mom telling you to do so. She gets feed up with it and eventually kicks you out or makes you pay rent!

2. Learn to cook. Yea, even though you think you will go into movie making and have your own cooks, NONE of that comes true! All though you have an awesome job, you are not rich so learn to cook so that your first year of marriage isn't filled with burnt food!

3. Relax a lil. Your thinking of God as an angry God and keeping a list of all your wrongs is NOT true. Later on, when you get to college age and start questioning everything you know, its a GOOD thing. You discover what Grace is and how powerful it is and how you have been missing out on this wonderful blessing. You realize everyone you know that doesn't look like the "ideal southern culture Christian" isn't going to hell. You learn God makes everyone soo different and shows himself differently to everyone. So Relax and be yourself.

4. While we are on this Jesus kick, throw away that god-awful shirt you made yourself with the tassels and the big words "Jesus Freak" on it. I get the meaning but its just not cute or fashionable. And try not to alienate yourself from your peers at school. They are good people too, they are just trying to find themselves and plus you will be living in Cherryville longer than you think, so MAKE FRIENDS!

5. You are Smart! You are a slacker right now and do the bare minimum to get by because no one really pushes you to do it. Work hard! You don't think you are that smart because you don't make an effort. Free education is a gift so use it wisely.

6. Change your major! You love college and you value learning once you start paying for it yourself, but Please pick a major that is actually useful. Film studies sounds fun, but its actually not a very fun career. At least do something that will be a little more useful in your life like interior design or theology.

7. Show a lil more skin. Hey you are 5'8 and 118lbs. You will never be that skinny again! Show it off while you still can.
8. You CAN listen to secular music! God doesn't care if you listen to it as long as it doesn't make you act on it. So don't feel guilty about that and don't guilt trip your sweet lil boyfriend Randall about listening to it too.

9. Randall is the "one"! So be nicer to him, he has put up with a lot from you!

10. Change your oil. Your car breaks down senior year because you weren't taking care of it properly so save yourself a lot of headache with bumming rides and take care of your car more!

Monday, April 23, 2012

30 BLoGs in 30 DaYs Day 3. Describe Relationship with Parents

Day 3. Describe your Relationship with Parents

This is a tough one! I am 26 now, so my relationship with my parents have become farther and fewer moments right now! Kind of a sad thing but I'm sure when Randall and I have our first lil one my mom will be right by my side or she better be at least because I am gonna need help!

My Mom

I love my mom. She is so beautiful to me, I want to look like her when I am her age. She doesn't know she is beautiful though and shruggs it off when I tell her. She insist on acting like she is 65 but I literally have friends her age! (She is only 43!) She sees everything from a 65 year olds point of view and for that we butt heads on a good number of issues. She is all about the Church of God being the only church she has faith in nowadays, and so we don't get on a lot of issues about politics or religion. Actually when she does put her 2 cents in about these issues they are so far and irrelevant from me that it is almost comical.

My mother had me when she was 18! She had to grow up very fast and for that I have the upmost respect for her. She did a really good job, I never went without much and she made sure we were in church 3 times a week no excuses! I am actually very thankful for that, I became a dedicated Christian at the age of 13 and really developed a lot of knowledge about the Word. And she was strict!! I was a pretty good teenager so she was less strict on me than my sister.

But anyways to the point, our relationship is good nowadays. My mom gives me enough space (a lil more than I would like) but when we do finally get to see each other, we laugh and talk and gossip very easily. I look up to her and whenever I am making a big decision in my life, if I have her blessing, I feel at ease about it. She has a lot of wisdom when it comes to living life and I still have a lot to learn from her.

My Dad

I really don't even know where to start with this one. Especially this past year I have had such mixed emotions toward him. If it weren't for my Faith, I don't even know if we would have a relationship right now. My dad has definetly wrestled a lot of his own demons, and more times than once he lost to them. He and my mom had a tumultuous on and off again relationship till I was 7. From as long as I could remember he had a drinking and drug problem. From 7 to 9 I really don't remember he at all in my life. I think he was running from child support or something but for some reason, he was not there. When I was 9 he met my step mom and they packed up and moved to PA. and still lived there today. I had hard feelings toward him till I was 13.

When I gave my heart to the Lord, I really felt lead to forgive my father though. It was a very hard thing to do for me but I don't think that I could ever get to a good spiritual level with God unless I had done so. There is sooo much power in Forgiving someone. I don't know how to explain it but I still remember the night I decided to do that and it was like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders.

After that, I made it a point to have a relationship with him. I love my dad and at the end of the day even if he does the most idiotic thing there is, then I still love him because that is what family does. He does make up half my DNA and a lot of personality traits must come from him. I still make it a point to go see him every summer and we get in deep descussions a lot, even more so than I have with my mom. My dad doesn't believe in anything, I don't think he has actually took the time to find God, but I hope that my unconditional love I have for him mirrors just a shadow of the love that God has for him and he sees it one day. Until then I will call him ever so often and visit him.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

3o BLoGs in 30 DaYs/day 2: 3 legitimate fears

3 Legitimate Fears

If you know me pretty well then you know of at least 2 of these legitimate fears. And just to warn you the second one is pretty gruesome.

Snakes being my probably ultimate physical one. It's the one fear that will make me scream like a little girl if I see one. I don't know how people can keep snakes for pets or even pick them up. Everything about them gives me the heebe geebes. If I am doing an outdoor activity and someone sees a snake, I am pretty much done with being outdoors for the day. Hopefully I can just quit worrying about them so much one day but for now snakes pretty much sum up my greatest physical fear.

Second is vomit. There is an actual name for this phobia it is Emetophobia, and it's pretty common. I rarely have to vomit but when I do it is drama!! lol, if I feel that wave of nausea coming on, I will sit in a fetal position and not move practically all night if I have to, just to keep myself from doing it. I think I developed this phobia when I was about 5 years old. I was at my baby sitter's house and was sick with chicken pox. They were giving me children's grape tylenol pills to help the fever and I loved them! So when my babysitter wasn't looking I got into the bottle and ate ALL the pills! My babysitter was freaking out and called my mom, and my mom said to stick her finger down my throat and make me vomit them out. I won't go into details but needless to say it was pretty traumatizing and now I despise throwing up.
Also, if someone else is vomiting or if there is vomit in a room, I will try and get as far as I possibly can from that stuff.
Cleaning up kids from throwing up all night is one thing I am dreading about being a mother one day, but my little doggie, Sammie, is helping me with that one. One day, I came home early from work and he had thrown up 8 different piles!! On the couch too!! I called Randall asking if he could come home early but when I realized that wasn't going to happen, I picked it up all by myself! I felt really accomplished that day!

And lastly, losing Randall in a freak accident is my last fear. This fear is a little harder to write about and sits quite close to home for me. Randall has practically been around almost half my life and really the only constant male in it. He is my comfort! It is the one fear that makes me sit and worry and naws at me. Of course, I'm scared of losing my other close friends and family, as well, but I really would be a wreck if anything ever happened to my husband. I am pretty depend on him, probably a little more than I should be. I think this fear was developed when I was 15 and I seen my older sister's serious boyfriend get in a car wreck and pass away. I was dating Randall at the time, it really gave me some issues. I was scared to get close to Randall for a while after that for fear that could happen to him and I would lose it. I am so grateful that fear did not keep me from letting him in my life and loving him wholeheartedly though.

I am not a fearful person and these fears are pretty small compared to a lot of people's fears and I am grateful for that. I know that even if these fears come up, they are not the end of the world and even if the worst of my fears came to pass (#3) I still have Faith that life goes on and the Lord takes care of me. So there you go my 3 LITTLE legitimate fears.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

30 BLoGs in 30 DaYs Day 1. 20 random facts

I think I will help myself to this little 30 day challenge because I really should quit being lazy and blog more. I feel like my opinions are WAY to important not to share. Well maybe just important to me but none the less. Also when we have kiddos in a couple of years, I would like to be in the habit and log things about their lives in blogs so I won't forget them and they can look back and read them.

The first day of this 3o day blog stuff is to list 20 random fact about yourself, so I'm going to name the first 20 things that come to mind.

1. I have 2 big pet peeves. When people smack their food and (thanks to Randall doing this obsessively) when they bite their nails.

2. I am an introvert. I actually love socializing with people at work and friends on the weekends but I HAVE to have my ME time where I just by myself enjoying a book or reading something on my computer.

3. I am not scared of change at all in my life. I moved around to nine different schools growing up and change is something that comes very natural to me now. Actually I don't know what I would do if my life was at a stand still. I think I would go crazy.

4. I am care-free. Which can be a disadvantage too. My husband does all the worrying for the both of us but I really just trust in God with everything and think everything will work out for the best in life.

5. I have only had one true love. And I married Him!! I have never had my heart broke and I feel like that is the way dating should be. If someone is not EVERYTHING you want in a spouse, get rid of them before someone gets hurt.

6. I am an anomaly (my new fav word!). It means something of a deviation from the common rule or form. I feel I am on an island with some of the things I believe from other Christians and feel other people don't really know what to classify me as sometimes.

7. I absolutely love Jesus. I am so head over heels in love with my Lord! This relationship is my best one yet, and it saddens me sometimes that people can't feel the happiness and peace that just comes with trusting something with all your heart and surrendering everything to Faith. It is the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't trade this Love for anything. It literally sets me FREE.

8. I don't care what people think. I really feel I'm a natural born leader (I am a Leo) and if I believe something is wrong or someone is mistreated I will say something. I may not be very confrontational but I have been known to send letters to people if they confuse or hurt me.

9. It really bugs me when people are all about brand name stuff. Who cares? I would never buy something for myself or ask someone to buy me something just because it has a label on it. I get wanting nice quality shoes or things that you plan on wearing a long time but really people? There are people wondering where their next meal is going to come from, in this world. Get your head out of your own A$$.

10. I still have childhood friends from youth group. I don't get to see these ppl as much but I love them and no one could ever replace them. I hope they feel the same way about me. But these ppl know me inside and out and no one knows you like your oldest friends.

11. I think family is very important. My maw-maw died almost 5 years ago and our fam hasn't been the same since. She was the anchor to keeping everyone together. I never get to see my cousins and relatives anymore like I used to and that makes me sad. One of the reasons I want a bigger house is so I can start inviting everyone over to get together again.

12. I am obsessed with caffeine. It just makes me really happy.

13. I love my body. It is not perfect and doesn't look like the ones in the magazines but its the one God gave me and for that, I will appreciate it and have made peace with it.

14. I love exercising. It really helps me to love my body. When I'm taking care of my body and eating right I feel like I'm doing the right thing and therefore that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin.

15. I am sensitive. I will put on a strong face for people, but if someone hurt my feelings I won't show it but I might go home and cry about it.

16. I love Goodwill. I get a high from finding really cute stuff at very low prices. My whole house is decorated with used stuff.

17. I love cooking. Mostly because I love to eat healthy so I cook a lot. And will rarely cook the same thing.

18. I love learning. Education is very important to me and if I had money I would go back to college and get a degree, but I like not being in debt even more so I will just stick with the hair thing.

19. I love being a wife. I love keeping my house and decorating and greeting my husband at the door when he comes home. I am very fortunate to work part time so I can keep up with this job too.

20. I love encouraging people. I think that is my spiritual gift. I love helping ppl feel good on the job and reassuring ppl that they are important in life.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Dogs and Houses

I think I learned something about God while being a parent today. Now when I say I'm a parent, I am talking about being a parent to a dog. My dog Sammie is my baby!

Living in Cherryville right now I don't get to get out a lot because I live so far away from work so I am very much a homebody and my dog is truly my best friend. We do everything at home together, but our favorite thing to do is take naps on the couch and cook. Well, I cook and Sammie stands right beside and makes sure I do everything right and to not drop anything.

Well, I came home today to find that Sammie was a bad dog today! He got into my Vaseline that I left on the ottoman (I use it for chapstick, because its easier to keep up with). He ate half the Vaseline jar including the vaseline. So I scolded him and picked up the mess. I was just very frustrated with him, and also worried that he might get sick!

Anyways, I started cooking and Sammie was by my side making sure I wouldn't drop any thing and again when I sat down to eat. Usually I will dump my plate and let him lick the plate clean but I just couldn't risk it today. I figured he would have an upset tummy and I didn't want it to get worse, so I didn't let him lick it today.

He was soo sad about this! He really wanted to lick my plate and I could tell it was killing him. Then I started thinking about me and my desire to sell my house. I have prayed earnestly and tried to remain patient about selling my house, but its been really hard. I haven't had anyone coming to look at my cute little house that I have staged. I just want soo desperately to sell it that I'm begging God everyday "please let someone buy my house!" Then I think about how my dog doesn't understand why I am withholding my plate from him, even though its for his own good. Then I start wondering the same thing about God and how He knows whats best for MY own good even though I don't understand sometimes.

It just gives me Peace in knowing that my God knows whats best for me and knowing that even though things aren't going the way I want them to go, I still can't see the whole picture and I'm okay with that. I will wait patiently and see what God has in store for me! And Sammie will just have to wait patiently till tomorrow to lick another plate!