Monday, September 10, 2012

Why I am madly Love with God but I hate religion. pt 1.

I am, and have been for a while, a lovesick completely intoxicated in Love with God.  I have my moments when life gets busy and I don't get to talk to Him or learn more about Him like I should, but those times in my life where I earnestly seek him and even the times I question him, I find myself falling deeper in Love.

I find the more things in my life that center around Him, the more I think and meditate on him.  He has unconditional love for us that I know so well that I want to tell the world about him! I wish the world could experience the Love that God has for them.  I feel the need to tell everyone about him, I have to hold back sometimes though, because I can probably scare people away from him with my direct passion.

Now to the point of why I am so in love with God but I am NOT (and I quote) a religious person! I am just myself and I embrace the goofy, shy, but loving person that God has made me.  Sometimes I still get in trouble but I am learning my boundaries!  I fit in nicely in Liberal places like Asheville because I am all about expressing the person God has made me and you to be!

And the more I learn of God the more I find that God just honestly Loves people and it makes me want to love people even more!  We are his children! he made us unique for a reason!  Even though we mess up, he still loves us unconditionally!

It saddens me when I see Christians lumped together as "religious people" from my other friends, (who probably mean well) but just have not found and SEARCHED for a loving God.  I have been through those times where I questioned God, its good to question God, but DO NOT  give up on your searching! DO NOT do what feels good but ask God "Hey God, if you are real, please lead me in the direction you want me to go."  And God will guide you.  That is why he sent the Holy Spirit.   Which Jesus said is even better than having Jesus walking around in the flesh with you.  The Holy Spirit will guide you if you have an OPEN HEART.

You have to come to Him with a CHILD-LIKE Faith.  What does that mean?  That doesn't mean dispelling knowledge and learning.  That means coming to God, humble, knowing we don't have all the answers and asking him to show us.  God loves for us to learn.  I hear people all the time say "I don't believe in God, I believe in Science."  I believe in Science too.  I believe in searching, God gave us a desire to learn and that's what he wants to do.  I don't know where people get the idea that they don't coincide, but they do.  And maybe I am just looking at different stuff than other people but in my physics classes and philosophy classes, I see God and I see him more each time.  But then again, I do tend to have a lovestruck puppy love for God so I see him in a lot of things like music, art, talents, landscapes, compassion, etc.  If its beautiful, I see God in it.

But anyways back to why what I believe in isn't a religion.  If you notice any other religion and even the bible in the Old Testament (before Jesus came and shook everything up).  It was about atonement.  Atoning for our sins, and rules that you had to go by to be Godly, and tons and tons of restrictions.  So yea, I get how you can easily mix the two up.  And even a lot of well meaning Christians today have a hard time of trying to please God through atonement of their sins.   I even believed like this for years!! I thought I had it all figured out as long as I didn't drink, cuss, or smoke and go with people that did, I would be golden!  I would earn my lil wings and get plenty of jewels in my crown!  When I did cuss in anger or do something naughty, I felt really shameful and guilty.

Finally, one day I was feed up! I could not love a God who I had to perform for all the time.  It was exhausting.  I realized I was not in Love with him.  Yes, I heard of Grace, but Grace to a crowd pleaser like myself just meant I had a chance to repent before I went to Hell for saying that one cuss word in anger.   Then I started my search, I even studied other religions, sciences, etc.  All the time I was praying God if your real, lead me in your will and direction and that was what I went off of.  I guess I really was walking by Faith at the time because I was starting all over and wanted to know the Truth.  Not a Truth, not what I deemed to be the Truth but THE Truth.

I was always lead back to the bible though,  even though I didn't want to be.  (I had a hard time dealing w/ a lot of Christians at the time b/c of the different directions I was taking and questioning. I think they thought I was going to Hell, lol.) BUT what I found on the other side of my searching made it all worth it!! I was in Love with God again but he was totally different than what I thought God was before.  He was a God I could relate to!! He was still relevant to me! Because, I searched on my own and didn't take face value of what I was taught and wanted to learn for my own I found Jesus, but for real this time!

It's weird how the bible looks totally different than it did before I really learned about Grace.  I use to think that the "religious" Christians were the Catholics with their rituals but I realized I was the religious person.  I was the one thinking that my good works and goody two-shoes was what was going to get me in.  I actually use to correct people when they would cuss and act holier than thou!  I cringe when I remember those days of thinking secular music and piercing and tattoos were of the devil, lol. But not anymore, lol, I love tattoos, I even see God in a lot of secular music believe it or not (Mumford & Sons is like worship music to me!)

Okay off my tangents about myself, I learned Jesus' enemy was religion as well.  It is one of the many faces of Satan.  In fact, he was always calling out the religious people and calling them EVIL! What? Yes! The religious people who went to church all the time and prayed out loud and shrouded themselves with righteous robes.  Jesus would then show compassion on the people that were on the outskirts of society, the lepers, the homeless and the hoochie mammas!  He came so that we didn't have to live under condemnation which is the law.  We are under Grace now!  When I realized I didn't have to be a crowd pleaser and just wanted to be myself for once and not what man wanted me to be I felt so FREE.  No longer held under bondage!  The rule of Grace is to Love God and Love People.  That is it.  Blueprints of the bible right there!!  So simple!!

I was soo excited when I learned I could be friends with sinners again! I even drink with them!! Yep I said it (another thing you should read on your own is origins of why people think drinking is wrong and why it is only in America aka still lasting effects of the prohibition acts).  But that's another tangent, to my religious friends.  Do I worry about being like the world?  No, because it is ingrained in me to Love my Father and I know too much about him to be influenced by other people.  I almost find it endearing when people try to call me out on my faith because I've been there.  Is my Faith perfect, no.  I will never be perfect till I enter into Heaven. I've been through that struggle and trying to eventually out run the Holy Spirit.  He won't give up on you like he didn't give up on men though.  And he will endlessly search for your heart till you give in. But He loves you so much that he gave you freedom to choose.  Sooo take my advice and choose Him!  Its a relief!  And I wouldn't live my life any other way!!

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