Monday, July 6, 2015

My Favorite Song if You Put a Gun Up to My Head...

So a few weeks ago I went to a concert with my sis and her two friends.  While my sis and I were awkwardly sober pregnant chicks (and I say awkwardly sober because when experiencing Lana Del Ray concert, I'm now pretty convinced requires some form of alcohol to enjoy un-awkwardly, at 30 and fully clothed.)  But anyways, after the concert, we had to sit in the car for like 2 hours because the parking and traffic at Verizon are so awful I will not go back unless it is a band that I am absolutely obsessed with.

While we were sitting there, having deep discussions with my sister's funny, intoxicated friends.  The token gay guy of the group asked a question that had me thinking for a long time and I did not have a direct answer for at the moment:  "What is your favorite song?  If a person put a gun to your head and asked you that.  What would you say?"

I was stumped.  I couldn't think of one I particularly liked so much.  I was thinking of songs on the radio, the catchy ones, but they get old pretty quick.  Then I started on ones that had the most impact on me.  And one stuck out, it was Bethany Dillon's Revolutionaries.

I wish my pick was some really cool cultured deep song but it's actually quite a simple one written by a teenager.  I think she wrote it when she was like 15 or something.  I first heard of the song and her music when I was about 18.  I credit a lot of my independent spiritual wrestling/awakening to her music throughout the years.  Not only did she write songs about following all the rules but knowing there was something more.  She also made statements that she believed God was not angry or unjust but done nothing but has compassion on us.

These were really profound lyrics to a sheltered girl that loved God but was trapped in Dogmatic legalism.  My instinct told me there was something more and music reinstated that again and again in me.  When I think back to stepping out and searching even though I feared for my soul a lot of times, it took a lot of faith and sometimes that's all I had that convinced me I was not headed down a spiraling path of lies and deceit.

What is so intimate to myself about the song Revolutionaries is the way the song spoke to me each different season in my life at a new refreshing way.  It was always beckoning me to step further out and further in. While also questioning me to ask what I am following, why I am following it and to always remember that I have dreams even when others shoot them down and they seem foolish. They are not foolish, even when they've failed because I've always learned something from them.

A lot of times when I stepped out in faith in my life, I have felt alone and misunderstood.  Actually the first years of my 20's were a very confused, hurt and often feeling secluded by ones that nurtured me. They seemed scared for me. But I look back at those years and I thank God for them so much because without those hard times I wouldn't be half the person I am today and had to totally depend on God.  This song addresses that.  But it is also those times I have found out a little more just how strong-willed and independent and a little less fearful of obstacles and people's opinions that no longer matter.  I know what the still small voice in my head says and I follow that, and it has never lead me down a spiraling tunnel of hurt or brokeness but the opposite.  I have somehow found myself more and more in the long run and have found more Grace, Love and adventure than I had imagined and I'm not done putting my tracks on the dirt quite yet! So please, listen and enjoy this song and I hope it inspires others as it has inspired me throughout many years!

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