Have you ever had a dream or ideal that stagnants in the corner of your mind? A place or person from the past, one that haunts you in the hallways of your thoughts. When you get alone it's the place in time where you secretly hope to go back someday. A wish for this idea is like asking the present to not exist. Forming this dream, as it still whispers that something went wrong, and the nostalgia starts to be called back. Whispering lies to us that, that place would be happiness again, a vacation from the current events. But to wake up means to put on the clothes for today. It needs to evaporate when your rational kicks in, to get back there would obviously be insanity but somehow you still hope on some unconscious level, for it's existence.
I think this is fear and I think it can be sinful. I find I suffer from it. I think it's birthed out of my Ego from a point where I thought God was in control and the Holy Spirit got it all wrong. That times and places changed because of someone else's sin got in the way, the devil somehow won that battle. I think that's a lie. I think to dream of going back is against the Holy Spirit's nature to progress forward. I think it's a natural human rebellion and I think I see it a lot in our culture, I think I see it mostly in our pain.
Don't get me wrong there is nothing bad about relishing in the good times and if you're on this Christian journey there are parts that are joyful and blessings in abundance and parts where you feel alone, desolute and even ask God "Why did this happen to me?" And our first reaction is to run away from the problem. Even if it is just in our mind, desiring past joys and experience. This is a big mistake of us humans. A convicting passage of scripture that speaks to this: "Where your treasures is, there your heart will be also." (matt 6:21) If your treasure is in the past you can't take part in the future....ouch. That's what the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of, lately.
Have you been treasuring something of the past, that keeps you blind to participating with the future plans of the Holy Spirit? I know, I have. I treasure past experiences so much I forget to partake in the present. To not enjoy the present is to refuse the miracles and experiences in which God has ordained for us here and now. I like David's determined strength in this statement: "I remain confident of this. I will see the goodness in the land of the Living."
Not the ghost of the past. It's time to let them go. Give them your blessing and ask them to leave. Let them remain in the past as you go into the present. Honor the dead but don't entertain them to stay in the land of the living. It's not time for that. Trust God will do the work of reconciling the rest, whether in our hearts or sometime in His future.
I think of what Jesus did in those dark situations. He faced it head on. He sat with the pain. He let it physically have it's toll on his body as he cried tears of blood. He wrestled with it, I believe he spent the whole night praying in his grievances wrestling with his call. With a dry mouth and tired eyes "My Father if it possible, may this cup be taken from me." (Mat 26:39)
It's encouraging that our Lord, a little later prays "Yet not as I will, but as you will."(Matt 26:42) From that point on, He was totally submitted to the mission. I wonder if he held on to a different vision. I don't think we sit and realize the weight, making this decision took on him. I just always naively assumed Jesus knew the whole time, and obviously he had inklings of what to come. But I bet he wrestled with every scenario to that night, but eventually knew that destiny was only the ONE true path.
I bet it stuck out like a sore thumb to him. Wonder if he woke up some days, dreading the next step that would eventually lead him closer to his fate. I like contemplating on the human side of God. It's one of the most beautiful parts of the Christian faith. That he took on our skin and felt what we felt. Perphaps dealing with anxiety, fear of the future? Grief for the things that can't be....for the world that we live in.
His journey to Jeruselam, where the crucifixtion is to take place, is a long one. They say Luke's gospel emphasis' the journey the most. First with Jesus visiting varies locations along the way, Mary and Martha's, Samaria and Galilee. He seemed to take the long, arduous journey, of healing, stopping and eating...taking it all in.
Take. It. All. In. Maybe that's how we escape this fear of the future, and the ghost of the past. Resting, stopping, enjoying the journey. It's winding and tedious, but that's what makes it interesting, right? Not knowing where we are going and not a clue about the future. When every turn is a surprise, well that just might mean we're on the right track. Don't look towards the past for clues about the future. Learn from the past but look with fresh eyes to the future.
(Thank you so much for taking time to read this blog. Please be on the lookout for my new blog under construction)